Say Nothing At All

I was browsing my Facebook news feed the other day when I came across a post by an acquaintance and in that post she was praising her son for being an above-average helper. Nothing wrong with that, it's good to give your kid props and support, even if they're too young to read it. She also has an older son, and in the same post she said "I may have screwed the first one up, but I think I'm doing okay this time around."

Immediately my jaw and the keyboard were hanging out. I mean, I understand that some parents have difficult times with their kids, and maybe they do see one kid as better than the other. Is that wrong? I don't know. Is that wrong to put out on a public forum? In my opinion, Yes.

We're our children's biggest cheerleaders. Even when they're our biggest nightmares. We're there to pick them up every time they fall, make them feel that it's okay to screw up as long as you learn something from it. This is one of my biggest frustrations with parents out there, those that cut their children down instead of lifting them up. Yes, maybe one child is better behaved than the other(s) but does that give you the right to show obvious favouritism?

All a child wants to feel from their parents is love. Love and support. Our parents are supposed to love us unconditionally, forever. End stop. Yes they can be aggravated with us, or even angry for short periods, but that should never undermine their feelings of love. It should never get in the way of their support and encouragement.

I have a HUGE frustration with parents that are so obvious about their favouritism. Generally it's with the "Baby" of the family, and generally it's not that the child is so perfect, but that the parent has reached a point where they refuse to acknowledge that child can do wrong. What they're doing is laying a foundation for disappointment. The favourite child is put on a pedestal where they have to live up to the higher-than-reasonable expectations every day and the less-than-preferred child(ren) are left feeling like they're not as important to their parents. Imagine how it would feel to think that your parent loves YOU less than someone else. I would be devastated.

My kids are still for all intents and purposes still babies. They are too little to have any real behaviour patterns, but I do notice differences in their personalities. Cash is much more high-energy. He could literally bounce from the walls if you let him. He's stubborn and easily frustrated and he's talkative. He's very much like me, actually. Carter is independent. He's sneaky like Ninja and he is quiet and observant. He gets in just as much trouble as Cash, but he's easier than his brother to deal with in many ways. He sleeps well, on time, every night like a clock. Cash has me up all hours and he's a year older.

Does that mean I love one more than the other? No. Does that mean that sometimes I favour one over the other? Not really. Does that mean that occasionally I think to myself "I wish you were more like your brother?" Yes. Would I ever share that with my children? No. (Well outside of the fact that I'm trying to prove a point on my blog.)

No matter how someone feels or has felt about their child, it's their job as a parent to show un-dying support and love. Hinting or outright saying that you feel or think otherwise is a major bruise to their self-worth and can do much more damage than you might think. We tell our children "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" and we should stick to that, especially when it comes to parenting.