Teach Your Children Well: Preparing Your Child For Bullies

Day after day my social media feeds are flooded with stories about teens who've attempted or, tragically, were successful in taking their own lives. Every time I see one I think back to myself, a tall, lanky and incredibly awkward teenager being bullied at school. I definitely remember the suicidal thoughts... I honestly think it comes with the surges of hormones and overactive imaginations.

Sometimes those thoughts are fairly innocent...

"I bet if I died tomorrow everyone wouldn't even miss me!" 

And sometimes they're not.

"I wish it would all end. I can't stand this torture anymore!" 

....

I think its safe to say we've all felt that way at one time or another. So, what is the tipping point? What is the thing that drives a kid to actually follow through on these terrible thoughts?

I think it truly begins at home.




Kids are mean. It's not an assumption, it's a fact. We spend so much of our lives as parents plotting how we can help our children avoid bullying. Giving them the right names, hair cuts, clothes... whatever we think can potentially help them avoid putting them in a bully's crosshairs.


But is this really the right approach? I mean, we remember what it was like to be bullied, right? All of the kids that were bullied that I knew (including myself) could all be identified as one thing: Easy targets.

Whether it was because they were sensitive types (nothing wrong with that), had "different" home lives then their peers, wore different clothes or were just plain too friendly, every kid I knew that was bullied shared this commonality. Kids are lazy. They're not going to work hard to bully another kid unless they're reaping some major satisfaction from it. Generally that doesn't happen until further into the bully/bullied relationship.

So how do I make sure my kid isn't an easy target? Well... you don't. Kids are who they are and if there is anything we have learned as parents it is that you can't change your kid. But you can teach them!

TEACH your children how to see their bullies for who they really are. Teach them not to be followers. Teach them that nothing is EVER going to happen if they stand up and say "I'm not okay with this."

Teach them that the one thing a bully wants is a reaction, so if they keep walking away, stop caring about what other people think (yes it's hard, but we learn it as adults and should give our kids more credit!) and be confident in who they are, the bully can't touch them.

Teach them that everyone makes mistakes, but no one has the right to condemn them. That the only way they can learn is to make mistakes.

Teach them that in reality, however hurt they may feel, that kid that is bullying them probably feels ten times worse. Teach them that their bully probably has a reason for treating people the way that they do and trying to connect with them on another level, offering an olive branch, can probably go a long way.

Teach them that part of being a good person is accepting that you are a good person. That ultimately the clothes you are wearing, the car you are driving, the house that you live in, none of it has any bearing whatsoever on the quality of person that you are. That if they always see people for who they are instead of what they have, they will see things a lot differently.

Teach them to never give up. That challenges build character and there is nothing more important to their future than their character.

Teach them that you will ALWAYS be there. That there is NOTHING they could ever do that would make you love them any less. That there is nothing you wouldn't do to help them, protect them, fight for them.

Teach your children that YOU feel that way sometimes, too. That you FELT that way for a long time, but you made it through, and they can, too.

Teach them to take a punch without punching back. Teach them how to channel their anger into something productive. Teach them that it's never okay to lay a hand on another person, no matter what they've done. (Remind me to tell you about the time I was punched in the face during a fight in highschool and walked away from it, okay?) 

Teach your child that THEY are in charge of their own future. That talking through their challenges, with you or older siblings or close friends, will only help them solve their problems. Teach them that no matter WHAT happens to them, hurting themselves is never going to make the pain go away. That hurting themselves is only going to transfer their pain onto someone else. That taking their own life is the most selfish, short sighted thing a young adult can do. That nothing will fix their problems except facing them head-on.

Just teach them. Early. As early as you can.