Parenting Pissing Contest

What is it about sleep deprivation and a newborn that cause the lines of communication to get so crossed? Everything becomes about who is more tired than who and who did what when. When other Moms ask me about dealing with this I'm the first one to jump up and offer a very simple piece of advice; "Be patient. You're both tired and frustrated, so try not to focus on that but what your needs from one another are." Easier said than done.

Raging hormones coupled with a major lack of sleep make Mommy crazy. Being hypersensitive when your partner is trying to be helpful but maybe not meeting all of your expectations is so difficult. You feel so overwhelmed.

I can't help but feel frustrated when I didn't sleep at all the night before and everything has gone wrong all day, then my "co-parent" comes home, reads the toddler a book and then throws off his pants and jumps into bed. There is still so much to be done before I myself can go to bed and I want to scratch his face off for not even stopping to think about what I need help with. I try so hard to check myself and relax and ASK for what I need, but when the response I get is "I'm SO tired, I didn't get almost any sleep last night and I worked all day!" the closest object to throw at his head becomes very enticing indeed.

I heard you snoring when I was up at 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 AM feeding the baby and dealing with the Toddler. Yes, the initial crying may  have woken you up, but you rolled over and went back to sleep while I got up, dragged myself over to the respective child and did what I needed to do. I hate that it always comes back to whom is more tired than whom, but when as a new mom, even a new mom again, it feels like you're telling me you deserve to roll over and go to bed even though I'm still up cleaning and pumping and stressing because YOU are so tired. We're both tired. We both have long days and hard jobs to do, but the difference is you can come home and take a few hours off of your job. Mine is always here, crying or pooping or getting into mischief. So when I ask you for a bit of help, don't groan and tell me how tired you are. We're BOTH tired, but we're also BOTH parents.

So how do you deal with both sides seeing it so differently? How do you stop and say "I need you to stop relaxing/watching tv/complaining and help me out!" I think as Moms and Partners we feel like we do our best to be a step ahead and contemplate our partner's needs, but it feels like crap when they don't do the same for us. Is it the husband/boyfriend/partner's job to step up and meet us half way or should we just lower our expectations, hang our heads and do what we need to do?