What I've Got

When Hubs and I are in a conversing mood, quite often the topic of our past comes up. What we used to do for fun, the people we knew then, what they are doing now, what we are doing now. More often than not we talk about working in the music industry, our experiences and our friends.

The majority of my friends who work in the industry are still there, hacking away at it. I totally respect them for it. I think that if you truly want something in life you should put everything you've got into it.

(source)

Hunter S. Thompson (apparently) once said “The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.”


We used to laugh and joke about this quote. Sometimes things are funny because they're true and this is one of those times. I was also told in school that people who work in the music industry have terrible times managing relationships and generally you can have a good work life or a good marriage, but the two are mutually exclusive. I think, unfortunately, that sentiment rings true for many people I have known. 


There, of course, have been exceptions to the rule. I know some people who have had managed to find their partners and make things work, for better or worse. 


Hubs and I always discuss the fact that once we found out we were having Cash, we made the decision (perhaps even somewhat subconsciously) to pack up our gear and find some Big Kid Jobs. It wasn't a split decision, it was a process, and it didn't happen all at once, it took time. We ultimately decided that what was best for our family, financially and emotionally, may not be the future we had seen ourselves in while we were chilling out in tour buses or loading in at shows. 


What we had made for ourselves, our children, our family, was of far more value to us than walking on the wild side. We probably could have still worked in the industry, long nights in bars selling merch, hauling gear back to the rehearsal space at 4 AM before heading home. We could have tried to balance our chaotic work lives and our chaotic home lives, trading off staying home weeks at a time while the other was out on tour. But, we knew in our heart of hearts that not only was that lifestyle not conducive to a happy, healthy family; it would set us up to fail, ultimately. 


As cliche as it is, the record industry is wrought with alcohol abuse, drugs, promiscuity and irreverence. We both think as much as we are devoted to one another, being subject to that lifestyle day after day, it would only be a matter of time before it came between us. There is only so many times you can tell your bandmates or studio buddies "no" before they start to think you're a drag, so the occasional "yes" leads to doing things that sacrifice yourself and often your relationships.

Me & Care Failure from Die Mannequin,
kissing ass and taking names.
(source: petenema.com)

It was easy for me to step out of my life, upon learning I was pregnant, and choose another path. I don't know if it was as easy for Hubs, coming to terms with a huge life change like that in a short few weeks or months doesn't ever seem to be as easy for the father. Eventually over time he has realized that whether he made the decision abruptly or organically over time, it was the best decision and he has little to regret.

We can look back fondly of that time in our lives, think about the memories we made, the crazy experiences we had when we were still capable of doing those things without cause for alarm. We don't want to experience having to lose what truly matters to us to see what we thought was the "good life" really was an empty, shallow money trench filled with people who care more about their guitars than they do about their families.  


The fabric of our personalities has not changed, we are still "rockers" at heart, we still love the same things, we just have a fair understanding of the fact that sometimes, what you've got is worth giving up what you thought you wanted.