Back to Life. Back to Reality.

Holy Crapoli, Guys!

I don't know if any of you have ever been on a reality show, but suffice it to say that it is quite the can of worms to open! Last weekend marked the end of our final challenge and the end to our initial only foray into the world of reality television. While I was admist the world of going back to work, fighting off illnesses a plenty, season changes, holidays and more, my whole focus was re-set onto this show. I felt like if I couldn't contribute 100% then there was no sense in me being there, so I did what I could every week whenever I could.

It came at a huge price as I was contending with a major disconnect in my relationship because of it. Where I was gung-ho to seize every opportunity to help others, Hubs was on a different wavelength. Although he agreed initially to do the show, I don't think he fully understood what a huge time commitment it would be. Not only did we participate in every challenge, but we were also a featured family, which meant that our shooting schedule was triple if not quadruple what many of the other families on the show were required to do. This became difficult to deal with because we have two very young kids and two busy lives that we're still learning how to make congruent with one another. In the end, through all of the trials and tribulations, drama and all that comes along with having your life exposed for a production team to pick at, the result was overwhelmingly positive. I've gained a whole new outlook on my life and my sense of self.

My family will always come first (and second, and third) to me, but somewhere along the line of becoming a new mother twice in two years, buying a home, starting a new job and all of the changes that come with those things, I lost myself, my identity. I left a lot of friends behind in search of a new lifestyle, one that worked with my family. I reconnected with others, but in today's age of Facebook and social media, reconnecting simply means saying "Hi" and liking each others posts now and then. There was no real connections for me for a long time. I felt very isolated in my little life that used to be so big and no matter how many baby giggles and tickles and beautiful sunshine-y days I experienced I still felt like a part of a whole instead of my whole self. I wasn't feeling challenged or fulfilled as a person.

The experience of doing MDN2 allowed me to re-ignite that fire inside of myself. I was able to contribute something real and tangible into other peoples lives. I was able to showcase my talents and feel like I once again have more reason for living on this planet than my two beautiful children. Being a Mother is more than enough for so many women and the very thought that it wasn't fulfilling me brought on so many feelings of guilt and anxiety, so being given the opportunity to experience a new version of my life, where I play an integral role in a community that works together, it felt amazing!

Now that we're wrapped we have a new goal to look forward to, as in just a couple short months the show will begin airing. Throughout the show's run I will be able to reveal more information about the experiences that I had with each challenge, what was happening behind the scenes and the things they may not have aired that I felt were important. I will introduce you to many of the families who maybe didn't have an opportunity to be showcased but are truly deserving of some recognition and I will give you an insiders view of being part of the Million Dollar Neighborhood 2 challenge. I can't wait to share it all with you!

On the bright side, now that some of the utter chaos in my life has subsided we here on Crawl The Line can get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Pun totally intended!