I picked up my stuff from my old job today. What was feeling like a grandiose new opportunity is starting to slink back down to reality. Although I do have a job interview tomorrow and plenty more prospects, the thought of officially being non-employed (not unemployed, since I'm always working freelance) is a sobering one.
I think as long as my things were at the office, in "my" cubicle it never truly felt real. It felt like a bad dream. Now, my things are home, finding their way into new places, and I'm finding my way around this new life shift.
I'm at a crossroads, I think. I love my family and my town so much, all of the things we've experienced together this summer and the MDN challenge that it makes it really hard to be able to find something else outside of it. I keep thinking of all of the potential traveling and commuting and it just makes me sad. I don't want to be away from here. I love it here. I'm finally home.
But, at the same time, I'm only 26. I may know a lot in my field and have a lot of potential, but I also have a lot I could learn. I want to do more, learn more, be more. I can choose to do things the hard way now, go against the grain to be my own boss from now until forever, or I don't have to make that choice now. Where our family is at this time, financially and emotionally, it would best for me to take the easier route. To find a job that has a good salary and good benefits and a lot of opportunity for growth. I'll never love it as much as doing my own thing, but I will love it. I will be passionate no matter what I do and there's still so much time. Or at least, I think there is. I don't want to make the wrong choice, pick the wrong footing and fall into the wrong place. I want to make my family happy and proud of me. I want to make myself happy. I just have to find a way to do something where those two things are congruent.
In the meantime I'll just sit here in the fetal position, pondering away. Well, not for long as I have a hair appointment. Gotta look my best for the interview, right?! :P
No comments:
Post a Comment
As facebook may ask, "What are you thinking right now?"