Mom Friends

I don't know if you remember when I wrote about the Top 10 Reasons why Breastfeeding SUCKS... but to sum it up, it sucks and I didn't like it but I did it because it's what was best for my kid. I think we as Moms make those decisions all the time.

One thing I've found is that Moms, in addition to being super hard on themselves, are also super hard on each other! When I first found out that I was going to be pushing a newborn out of my lower extremities, I joined a Mom Forum (actually, several) because I didn't know ANYBODY my age in my city with kids. Everyone I know wanted kids in their 30's or later, if at all, and I was the exception to the rule. My friends all wanted to be excited for me, but I could see the fear in their eyes. Don't worry guys, pregnancy isn't contagious!

By joining the Mommy Forum I found like-minded women, in their early 20's, who had one or more kids and needed people to talk to, vent with and get advice from. It seemed like an amazing land where I could yap on and on about my growing belly, my expectations and my fears without my friend's eyes glossing over with boredom.

It was a great place to seek refuge from the world, to find people who could show me what I should expect and celebrate the little wins with ("It has a head!" for instance!)  After a while I started noticing an undertone of cattyness. Not with all of the women, but with some. This sense of "my way is the best way" or just a general judgemental tone. I learned loads about attachment parenting, cloth diapering, placenta encapsulation and plenty of other things that made me think, but not necessarily something I planned to do.

I'm of the mind that "to each their own" is the best way to live. Some people are happy eating their encapsulated placenta pills and it makes them feel good, other people get nauseated at the thought. I just shrug and say "not for me, but cool for you!"

After Cash was born the line between "Crunchy Mom" and "Smooth Mom" became more clearly defined by some of the members of the board. Either you were pro or against. Either you were good mom or bad mom. The general consensus from some of the members was "if you don't do as I do then you're one of them" and for me, that was more nauseating than cooking placenta.

I have never claimed to be an Uh-MAZING Mom. I don't think I want to be, from the looks of it, it's really damned hard to devote all of your time and energy to your kids like that. I love my children to the end of the earth and back, but if giving them a bit of "screen time" so that I can chill on facebook and gather my composure after an epic melt down makes me a terrible mother, then so be it.
This trend, the more I got further into the realm of Mommyhood, has continued. The idea that there is one way to parent. That every choice we make has to be the be all end all of our "parenting style". That "if it was good enough for me it's good enough for you" is an old way of thinking and we should all repent for our Mommy Sins.

In my opinion, my honest opinion, I think the kids whose parents bust their asses to limit their exposure to all things "bad" for them, whether it be harmful polycarbonates or too-soon-for-tv watching, they're sometimes setting themselves up to fail. Sometimes you have to do what works in the short term to make sense of everything in the long term. I'm not saying the people who choose to go the extra mile and cloth diaper, baby-led-wean, homeschool or whatever else are bad, whatsoever, I think they're amazing and their actions show that they care deeply for their offspring. I just believe that my lack of action, sometimes, doesn't necessarily show otherwise.

And sometimes, some people, they take things too far.

I love that you researched your hiney off and decided with great enthusiasm that you were absolutely NOT going to circumcize your son. I love that because I had that exact same experience. I agree that, FOR ME, the idea of circumcision is akin to getting an infant's ears pierced. It's aesthetic and furthermore, it can potentially cause damage that needent be caused. That. Being. SAID..... I am in no way shape or form in the position to go out and tell someone ELSE what they should do about their kids foreskin. Quite frankly, the less I think about your kids' foreskin, the better I am.

If you ask me "What should I do about my kids' foreskin" I will tell you my honest opinion. I will tell you the choice that I made for my children, and the crap that I took for doing it, and the fact that I'd make the same decision again and again, but I will never EVER tell you what you should do.

This is something that is happening way too much in our community of mothers online and in the media. We are parenting each other instead of our own children! We are trying to reinforce our own parenting decisions by "proving" to others that our decisions were the best and only options. That the choices we make should be the choices others make because if our choices weren't right for them, then maybe they're not right for me?


What we really need to be doing is supporting one another. Educating and supporting one another. Without prejudice, without instigating rivalries and childish arguments. Without being judgemental bitches. I freaking loathe judgemental bitches.

So, to eradicate this terrible epidemic of judgemental bitchy Moms who think they know everything about the world and parenting and foreskin, I decided to create Mom Friends.

It is a Facebook group. Facebook groups are the new online forums.

They allow us to create conversations with friends and strangers, where we discuss choices and things that are prevalent in our lives. We support one another, as mothers and individuals, and we make the concious decision to do so without judgement.

Mom Friends currently has 260 members! What began as my friends and their friends has grown into a real live community of supportive, logical and beautiful women. I am over the moon that to date no one has ever fought or been moderated within this community and I wanted to share that win with you. I hope, if you are not already a member, that you become one. Today. Because you never know when you'll be wondering what diapers are on sale at which store what week or how many ounces of medicine you should be giving your five year old.

And to the women who've been part of this group and its continued success, thank you. You are beautiful, strong and compassionate. Everything a Mother should be and more!