Where Are His Words? Carter isn't Speaking.

It's been a little while since I've updated on Carter's development. I did a simple calculation, because, unlike when I had Cash I actually couldn't remember at first how many months old Carter is. 

I mean, I knew when he hit a year and a half, but I didn't really keep counting. 

For the record, Carter is 19 months old. In five (short) months he will be 2.

Here is what BabyCenter.com says about Speech & Development at 12-18 and 19-24 Months: 
(I put both in here since Carter essentially falls between both)

12 to 18 monthsYour toddler may not be saying much yet, but his ears are wide open and he's eagerly absorbing all kinds of information. He's starting to comprehend the world he lives in: When you name a common household object, such as a chair or a ball, he'll show that he knows what you're talking about by looking at it or pointing to it. You can help him by labeling things as you talk to him; he may be particularly interested in names for things he sees and uses everyday, like "spoon" and "car." And many toddlers love to learn the names of different animals and the sounds they make. When he hears "duck" he immediately thinks "quack." He's also learning his own body parts; though he may not be able to name them all yet, he'll know what you're referring to when you say "nose" and point to his nose. Build on this by playing naming games with body parts: "Where is your nose? Oh, there it is!"
By 18 months, your toddler may be speaking only a few words — five is typical — but he'll understand about 50. And he'll be able to understand and begin to follow your directions even if they involve two separate actions. For example, he'll understand "Pick up those building blocks and put them in the toy chest."

19 to 24 MonthsBy now, your child can understand simple questions such as "Do you want more milk?" Though he may only be using 50 to 75 words, he actually understands as many as 200 of them and is capable of paying attention to what you say. Around this time he'll start showing off his knowledge by putting together simple sentences. These sentences will likely consist of a noun and a verb and be directly related to his life, like "Dog bark" or "Go car."
When you're reading a picture book to your child, ask him to point out particular items. You'll be pleasantly surprised when he can pick out a cow or a duck. Though he may not use the word in his own speech, he knows what it is.

Your child is also beginning to understand that his wants may not necessarily converge with yours. When you disagree with him — perhaps over which toy you want to play with during your afternoon play session — he'll understand that you may have a different favorite toy than he does. He may start to feel possessive of his favorites, letting you know which toys he thinks are "his." He'll also try to assert himself — folding his arms resolutely under his armpits when you want him to hold your hand, for example. 

Here's the thing, guys, Carter doesn't "Speak" any words. He understands everything. EVERYTHING.
He used to speak some words. Mama. Dada. Up. He would shake his head yes and no respectively.
Now? Now we get "up" and a lot of high-pitched yelling, grabbing and even biting.


I can't help but feel like he's standing still, or worse, regressing. He can "say" probably 10 or more words, but that's just it. He says them, he doesn't use them. If I ask him to say "pineapple" he will try, but he won't appropriate it for further use. He knows WHO "Daddy" is, and WHAT "Daddy" means, as well as HOW to say "Daddy" but he won't USE it to communicate to or about him.

We've introduced Sign Language to him recently as an effort to help perpetuate some communication, but as of yet (a few weeks in, with only myself and their daycare provider doing it) there's been no change at all, let alone a significant one.

Carter is stubborn. So so so SO Stubborn. He's stubborn because he's smart and he's so smart he knows that right now, he gets what he wants without having to communicate back with us. He understands basically everything we say to him. I can give him almost any direction, ask him questions and he can communicate answers with me, just not verbally and not if he doesn't feel like it.

The other issue I'm "managing" right now is his ever-growing habits of biting, slapping, hitting and punching. While most kids do these things out of anger or frustration, Carter does it whenever he wants. It doesn't help that their Dad encourages this aggressive behavior when they're playing, likening it to martial arts or attributing it to "normal boy behavior". I don't feel like it is "normal". He doesn't do it out of frustration, but almost entertainment. I'm not sure if he's trying to entertain himself or just thinks our reactions are funny, but either way it's not working for me.

Yesterday alone Carter bit me twice, hard, within about five minutes. We were at their daycare, I was picking them up and sat down to put on their shoes and chat with their caregiver. Both boys are generally pretty hyped-up when they see me, excited to see their Mom and to be heading home, I'm sure. Well in the midst of that time, Carter sunk his teeth into me two times and tried for a third. When he was scolded by myself and the caregiver and put on time out (we were still on her turf, so she doles out the consequences so we don't confuse the boys) he laughed and went to serve his sentence.

My worry is that he has no understanding of pain towards others right now. Their caregiver said biting has become a bigger problem lately, happening more often and harder. It's true he's biting harder and more often at home, too, and apart from biting him back, (which I haven't done) I am at a loss with how to handle it.

The other thing with him, is, and this feels so weird to say, but, I don't feel like I can trust Carter. By this age with Cash if we went to the park and I said "be careful on this part, don't walk towards the edge or you will fall" he would understand. With Carter, he has no sense of limitations, boundaries or consequences. If you say "don't touch that it's hot" if he wants to touch it, he will. If he climbs on the play climber and stands in front of the fireman pole opening, you run for your life because you know he will just step off without thinking about it. If you ask him to sit on the slide and be careful, he laughs and walks right off of it. Sometimes he gets hurt, but usually he's pretty un-phased. Leaving me in an ongoing state of panic whenever he's out of arm's reach. Believe me, I'm not a helicopter parent, but when we're out and about I keep an extra guard up with this one. He will run RIGHT INTO traffic if I tell him not to, just to spite me, or at least that's how it feels.

With Cash it has always been tantrums (and some self-harm which has all but died off in the last few months.) Tantrums I can handle. They suck but at least they're manageable. A time out, time in, some positive reassurance and attention generally gets the job done. Especially as his understanding improves.

My heart is so heavy with this one. I think it's because deep down I'm worried it's something more, something bigger, that I can't handle on my own. We've been sitting on a waiting list for months with not even an idea of when he will be seen for a language and speech assessment. That's all I feel like I can do right now is wait, try out different ideas (like the sign language) and hope we either have a breakthrough or can begin some sort of speech therapy soon.

Any advice from parents/caregivers who've experienced anything like this with their littles?