The Great Divide: Parents vs. Non-Parents

There are a lot of dividers out there these days...

Minorities vs. "Whites". 

Young vs. Old. 

Skinny vs. Fat. 

Republican vs. Democrat. 

Crunchy vs. Well... not Crunchy!

Apparently there's another divide I hadn't really given much thought to, one that divides me and the majority of my "old friends" into different camps: Parents vs. Non-Parents  

More often than not, when it comes to my "Non-Parent" friends (they being the friends that are opting not to have children, or haven't hit a phase in their lives where they want to spawn just yet) I find myself perusing their Facebook Timelines, reading about their fun experiences, travel and general lack of domesticity and a little pang of jealously runs down my spine. I find myself, if only momentarily, yearning for that freedom they must feel when they decide at the last minute to go to the movies, or hit the pub for a night cap.

Occasionally I get annoyed when they compare their "fur babies" to my real, non-animal (by breed, not nature) children, but I generally shake it off without much of a thought. Who am I to judge, really?

I'm sure they too find themselves occasionally sifting through their Facebook feeds, a picture of an adorable child floats by and a pang of jealousy flashes through their eyes. Yeah.. probably not. But it could happen. 

What I'm trying to say is that, generally, the grass always seems greener, or cuter, or more free. 

Generally, we don't admonish each other, or our personal choices. Well... until today...

There I was, perusing Facebook briefly when I came across a friend's post "Checking In" to a city neighbourhood. Said post went along these lines:

F*** I hate the streetcar, screaming babies and strollers and people having conversations at volumes so loud it's making me cringe. — at Chinatown. 

At first I was like, "Yeah, Chinatown sucks during rush hour!" then I read it more closely. Screaming Babies? Strollers? What?!

I said to myself, "On a scale of one to WTF, is this worth commenting on?" Yes. Always yes. (Correct answer: no.)

So, I tried the sarcastic approach:

Yeah it sucks when other people have to exist in your world. :/  - me

Then another, non-mutual friend, pointed out how annoying babies can be on planes:

try flying to Europe with a crying baby on the flight - non mutual friend

Well then! Then I tried the empathetic approach:

Try being the parent of the baby on the streetcar/plane. I can guarantee they're having WAY less fun than you! - me

Then this happened:

we had that with our [Place] trip. BLAH. 

I don't ever intend to be a parent. But honestly during commuter hours there should be some kind of no large carts/carriages and noise awareness rule. Coming home after working all day surrounded by noise levels louder than the highest setting on one's iphone is more stressful than riding my bike through traffic. - my friend

Then, well... I got a little bit MORE annoyed. Scratch that! A lot.

Holy f***ing hell are you kidding me?

 *facepalm*
I'm just going to send a quick memo to all of the Moms in the [city] letting them know that your post-work journey is far too precious to be inundated with their children's noise and means of travel, so they should probably just cab it to avoid upsetting you. While I'm at it, I'll also leave a voicemail for [Mayor], asking him to introduce a bill asking to increase the city's budget to make space for massage chairs and scented oils, you know, to make your journey home more relaxing. 

Seriously... this is by far and large the WORST thing I've ever read someone say about people with kids on the streetcar. If you don't like it, invest in a pair of earplugs, or better yet, take your disposable income and once you pull it out of your a**, take a f***ing cab! - me

You see, I was surprised... SHOCKED even, that my friend would have this type of opinion, and whats worse, imply that parents of young children who had strollers should find alternative means of transportation just because she was stressed out by the noise/lack of room.

I mean come on! It's rush hour in a major city. Even if there wasn't a stroller/carriage/cart on that streetcar it would still be wall to wall people. Even if no babies ever existed, it would still be loud.

The reason I got THIS angry, like making swears angry, is because I was a mom who had to take the streetcar during rush hour with a stroller the size of a small SUV.

It was frustrating, embarrassing and quite frankly, uncomfortable. Most people were incredibly gracious, helping me on and off the streetcar/bus/subway when even the transit drivers wouldn't help. Most people would move out of the way, or help me navigate my stroller through the small walkway towards the rear doors where I could sit with baby comfortably and safely out of the way.

The reason this whole debacle made me so mad is that it is public transit we're talking about. PUBLIC. Meaning everyone who is part of the public has the freedom to use it. That and the fact that my friend and her friends, instead of saying "Oh yeah, I didn't mean they shouldn't take it" or "I was just annoyed today, that's really not what I meant" chose to continue on this very public and very ridiculous rampage. For like 30 comments!

Then things got personal... and very very ugly. I literally had to un-friend and block people who where being over-the-top rude, talking about unplanned pregnancy (mine, shocker) and stupid stuff that was irrelevant. They got so out of control. Granted I was pissed off and a little bit over-zealous with my swears, but I was making a point based on reality, not personal digs.

There were a few people speaking from the "Parent" side, and all said the same thing. It's public transit, what exactly should people do with their babies, then? 

Thats the harsh reality of this entire debacle, really. There is a Parents vs. Non-Parents thing happening. And believe me, it's not always the people with no kids with the attitudes, but when are we going to be able to stop defending ourselves as parents? When are people going to stop and consider that maybe, just maybe, they have no idea what they're talking about?!

I know I did. I remember when Cash was first born, and I thought to myself "Holy crap! I was SUCH an idiot before! I thought I knew what parents went through, but really I had NO IDEA! Dear world, I take it all back!"

I was really angry for a couple of hours after this, but now, I'm just sad.

I'm sad that I've lost friends who can't be sympathetic to things that they may not understand. Who, instead of calling and checking in, start to slowly but surely ignore their friends who've moved on to other stages of life. Who resent people with babies during rush hour because they can't even be bothered to sympathize with them.

I'm not sad that they don't know what they're missing, because everyone has the freedom to make their own choices. Like taking their baby and baby gear on public transit, for instance.