What's YOUR Excuse, Hot Mom Blogger?

It's really not that hard to write a blog that pisses people off. In fact, in some circles it's something people aspire to. The web, much like society in general, has managed to divide itself into sub-genres, cliques; groups of people who have mutual interests, values and aspirations.

Generally these groups of people -- whether they be bloggers, super fans, hackers or every-day enthusiasts; mean no harm. I am proud to be a member of my own groups, a leader of others. I am a huge proponent of "finding your tribe" and finding perspective in your every day life. 

As a personal rule, I try to avoid the whole "open letter" and call-and-answer type of blog post. I respect other people's opinions enough to let them be who they are, find their own light in their own time... BUT (and much like mine, that's a BIG BUT), its my nature to go against the grain, to fight for the underdog and to speak up when I think something is truly truly wrong or hurtful. 

For a couple of days I've seen the "hot mom blogger" viral story floating around my social streams. A picture of a beautiful woman, flanked by her three gorgeous sons with their ages hovering around their heads and a caption that reads "What's Your Excuse?" floating above them.

I'm not here to tell Maria Kang (the beautiful, fit mother in said photo) that she's an jerk for making me feel like crap that I've been so terrible at managing my time/weight since giving birth to my own gorgeous boys. In fact, I don't think it was her intention to make me feel that way... but that's the thing about intent, what we set out to accomplish isn't always what we end up with and we have to be mindful of who we hurt in the process. 

I'm not here to tell her to put her clothes on, because quite frankly I don't give two dill pickles what she wears. I am going to ask her, however, what is HER excuse for making a bunch of people feel crummy about themselves when she could be uplifting them with her personal story instead?! Instead of asking other mothers for their excuse for not getting fit, why couldn't she have said "I did it, and you can too!" I would have be impressed with that! I would have cheered her on and scolded the people shaming her about her clothes, because the clothes aren't what matter here.

I have countless -- COUNTLESS!!! "excuses" (I'm going to call them reasons!) as to why I haven't taken off the baby weight I put on during my pregnancies. For time's sake, I'll give you five:

1. Genetic Disposition - I don't come from a stock of naturally tall, thin and beautiful humans. I did spend my formative years living in a body similar to that of runway models and I was too thin and too unhappy then, so why would I go back to that?
2. Sleep! - My babies were not interested in it. So when they finally DID sleep, I slept, too. Or I cleaned, or ate food without bouncing a child on my lap or breastfeeding. Or I went on the computer and wrote a blog because I needed to do all of those more than I needed to "make time" to work out. That's what I needed. 
   
3. Work - I went back to work when both of my boys were around 6 months old. I had the opportunity to take a whole year off (Yay Canada!) but opted to return for my own personal sanity and because financially, we needed it. When I wasn't at work I was rushing around like a lunatic, as most mothers do.
4. Help/Money -- We don't have much of either. We don't live near family or friends who could watch my babies for an hour or so giving me the opportunity to hit the gym. Nor could I afford a gym membership if I did have the help to get there. I actually did join a gym after my first son was born, but then, KABLAMMO! Baby #2!
5. Food -- I love it. I eat to live, but I also live to eat. I'm not saying it's a healthy lifestyle choice, but I'm saying it's where I'm at. I appreciate that you choose working out over pie, and someday I hope to be there, but for now... I choose pie. Does that make me wrong? No. It just makes me different.

(Update: I've been called "lazy" for these reasons... that's cool, I don't mind. I choose not to make fitness a priority in my life right now, that doesn't mean I don't care about my health or my family's well being.) 

Now, for the Moms (women... humans, really) who saw this post and felt terrible about themselves or lashed out at the author or the folks who agreed with her:

I just want to put a couple things out there for your consideration, for the next time you see a picture like this floating around the internet and it gives you pause: 

Does this person know who you are? Do they have any insight into your daily struggles, experiences or motivations?
No. They don't. Their sweeping generalizations indicate that they have NO idea that in a world made up of over 7 billion people, that their own experience is relevant only to them. That no matter how much we THINK other people should do/be/act in a certain way, that we can only be responsible for our own actions.

There are so many things that make up the fabric of who we are and what others see. Our DNA, our pre-dispositions, our lifestyles, our experiences, our chemical balances, our climates, even! 

It's great that these people want everyone to be as good at life as they are, but they need a reality check of the most simple kind.

2. Does this individual create value in your life or make you feel like a tool? 

If what they have said/done inspires you to become a better version of yourself, well then give them a lollipop. They're responsible for your lollipop moment and they deserve a "Thank You'. 

If they've incited hundreds-of-thousands of negative responses, open letters and a viral shit-storm of sorts, then their opinion probably isn't worth the energy it takes to operate the screen you're viewing them on. Their accomplishments, however amazing or wonderful, have no impact on you and your life. They can't change you or who you are, your genetic makeup or how much your baby sleeps: they can only cause you stress, feelings of shame and a general sense of negativity. 

Feeling bad about my weight isn't going to make me get off the couch and put down the pie. Nothing will make me put down the pie. I love pie. My children would suffer if I didn't have pie, because I would be a little less happy without pie.

Feeling good about my weight, accepting myself for who I am and then trying to improve upon that person all of the time, THAT is what is going to make me put down the pie (for later), pull my running shoes out of storage and run the 87 feet it'll take before I collapse in a state of breathlessness and exhaustion. But I will pick myself up and do it again the next day, and the day after that, until I can run 5000 feet (to the pie store and back.) I will keep going because I'm motivated by positive change. 

If I could tell Maria Kang (the Hot mom!) one thing, it'd be to keep being herself. She seems like a super-amazing person, and she probably MEANT to create positive change. Her caption was too negative to bring that about... so maybe she should change it to "What's Your Favourite Flavour of Pie?" and see how people respond to that. 

Negativity will never change the world. It will never change an individual and it will NEVER create a positive impact. So let's stop being negative, let's stop telling people how to live, think, eat, relax and let's start creating POSITIVE change.... with pie.