The rest of my life

As today begins to wind down and Daddy's return  home nears, I can start to reflect on it and how it went. I've definitely been dreading being at home with a toddler and a newborn without any sort of help. I've been spoiled the last few weeks to say the least. I love my boys, but with an almost-20-month old and a 1-month-old it's hard to determine who needs more attention more immediately.

Cash has been great with Carter for the most-part. There has been some hat-pulling and poking, but usually he's as helpful and sweet as a kid his age could be. (Sigh. I just called him kid, not baby. *tear*) He gives Carter lots of kisses and hugs and takes dirty clothes to the hamper for me. He would probably help more if he could, I'm sure, but since neither of us can articulate our needs quite well at this point he just does what he understands and that's great.

I have always said I'm not the "Stay At Home Mom" type. I didn't know whether or not I would be until my boys came along, but even into day one of being home with them by myself I can already see that I'd do much better and be much more patient with them if I worked full time (which I will be doing again in the Summer) than if I am at home with them all day. I really appreciate all of the Moms who can handle the whining and the meltdowns while juggling a newborn and laundry and dinner without wanting to rip their hair out. I commend you, Mommies!

I think that's the most Mom-Guilt that I feel... I feel guilty not being guilty for wanting to go back to work. Work is easy. I can solve the problems there. Here is a scary never-ending abyss of dirty diapers, tantrums, and as I type this my toddler is climbing on me while my newborn is nursing. Does that mean I love them any less? No. At least, I hope not. :/